Seven Steps to Happy Squatting
Before we get down to the details, let's clear up a couple of things:
- What's in a name:
- Some people imitate the French, who call these things toilettes a la turque.
I suspect the French call them Turkish toilets from the same impulse that leads them to call syphilis the
English disease - and the English to call it the French disease!
Besides, these toilets are used by millions (actually, probably billions) of people who are neither French nor
Turkish, so why use a country-specific name?
- It is so hygienic:
- Consider the plumbing infrastructure required for a Western-style toilet to work. And the amount of water required.
Consider what a Western-style toilet might look like with shaky infrastructure and limited water - or just check
out the bathroom on an Asian train. I'll take a squat toilet any time.
I'm a woman, so these instructions are for women, but I imagine they'll work just as well for men.
And please, guys, don't imitate the poster on one travel board who thought it was funny to aim for the wall instead
of the hole. Someone will be using it after you - maybe even you.
- Step One:
- Make sure you have toilet paper and antibacterial hand gel (e.g. Purell) with you. If you have to pay to
use the squat, you may get handed a couple of pieces of toilet paper, but you're better off carrying your own,
Make sure it's accessible before you get started. The Purell is for afterwards, because most likely
soap and hot water won't be available.
- Step Two:
- Take a good look at the floor. Do you want to put your day-bag, shoulder bag, whatever down on it?
If not, is there a hook or ledge you can use instead? Do you have a trusted companion who will hold your gear for you?
Otherwise, you'll have to wear your luggage. This is doable, I've used a lot of squats with a day pack on my back and
a camera round my neck, but it does require extra care.
- Step Three:
- Take another look at the floor. If it's really messy, you may want to roll up your pant legs.
I tend to forget to roll mine down afterwards, so I usually just hitch them up a bit, but rolling is safer.
- Step Four:
- Assume the position... Turn round and face out (I'd say "face the door", but there may not be one).
Put one foot either side of the hole. If there are little porcelain footprints, use those. If you're just there to pee,
your aim may be better if you squat a little back from the middle.
- Step Five:
- If you're wearing a skirt, hike it up (more on skirts below), if you're wearing pants, unzip.
Now squat, at the same time lowering your pants (if any) and underpants, and reaching between your legs with one hand to
pull the cloth forward. This is key to staying dry. You may need the other hand to hold on to the wall for balance - I once
found myself trying to use squats with one foot in plaster and instructions to put no weight on it.
You need two feet for this.
- Step Six:
- Ready, aim, splash... Well, hopefully not splash, that's why a hole in the ground is better than just ground,
but you get the idea. Use the toilet paper, but don't drop it down the hole.
If you're lucky they'll be a plastic bin near the hole to put it in. Or a little pile of paper in a corner.
- Step Seven:
- Do Step Five in reverse.
That wasn't so bad, was it?
About skirts - some people claim it makes it easier to use squats, but unless you do without underpants I
don't buy it - it just means you have two kinds of clothing to deal with instead of one.
I suppose you could make a case for skirts providing greater modesty if you're squatting in the great outdoors, but
people are pretty good about ignoring each other in these circumstances.
Yes, sometimes there isn't a hole at all - on a six-hour bus ride across the Taklamaklan,
for instance, you'll wind up watering the desert. Guys go off in one direction, girls another.
Sometimes you may prefer the outdoors - I remember one place in Xinjiang province where the women looked at
the facilities, looked at each other and by common consent headed for the back of the building.
We did post a sentry.
Happy squatting!